I feel that the 1,000 word limit I was given for the guest post was just that - limiting. What I mean to say is that I wanted to share more about what God has been teaching me through this process, but I had to keep it short. Maybe that's for another guest post (*wink wink, Mandy*).
Unfortunately, and maybe these are just my insecurities creeping up, it felt a little "Debbie Downer" when I was re-reading it... and re-reading it... and re-reading it. I didn't want people - especially my dear family and friends - to think that I was at best whiny and at worst clinically depressed. After I pressed the "send" button, I immediately felt writers' remorse and shared my concerns with Mandy and M.C., who oversee the blog. However, they wanted the post as-is, reassuring me and saying that it was honest and would be helpful.
I guess most graduate wives, and indeed anyone who's made a serious life transition, can say, "We've all been there." There's something that makes me feel a little more solid and a little less jelly-like on the inside when someone can give words to my enigmatic thoughts and emotions, and I pray that I was able to do that for someone else.
In other news, Nathan just submitted a little 5,000 (out of 30,000) word writing sample which will (after the powers-that-be put an official stamp on it) upgrade him to the PhD program. The bibliography is 10 pages longer than the sample. My man is thorough. Anyway, he's celebrating this accomplishment by doing some dishes while I write this post, so I'd better get going and see to it that he's properly congratulated.
3 comments:
I totally understand how you would feel "writer's remorse" and that you were being a "debby downer" - on a lot of my boat blog posts, I always felt like I was just putting my depression out there for everyone to see. But it's my opinion that the world is lacking in honesty, vulnerability and transparency and, truthfully, there are a lot more people who will be able to relate to you saying "sometimes it's really hard" than if you were to maintain an unnaturally upbeat attitude all the time. I think, too, that putting out there how hard it is for you makes people that much more willing to listen when you tell them what God has done and shown you through it all. There was a great bit I read in Anne Lamott's book "traveling mercies" about a woman in her church who went blind and everyone kept waiting for her to come out of her funk, to accept it, to be gracious about it, to be happy again, because that's what would have been *easier* for **everyone else.** I know sometimes we try to put on a happy face because it makes it easier for others around us, even though inside we're struggling. But, I think it's awesome that you're willing to show your weaknesses and vulnerability and doubts - having the strength to do that, to me, is just as important as also having the strength to see the good that comes out of it! :) (all that said, I'd love to read your follow-up post!)
Your honesty in that blog was a welcome gift. Much as we may hate to hear that someone is struggling, that's the reality of it. Thanks for being that vulnerable. I watch far too many Christians fail to find the health that could be theirs because they don't give themselves permission to be ailing in the first place. You are far from alone. Stay with it.
I read the Graduate Wife's post. It was great to be able to hear your honest feelings Nicole. I'll be praying for you, and I'm excited to see what God can do through the hardship that you're in
Post a Comment