Guest Posting/Thanks

I guest posted over at the Graduate Wife last week, but I forgot to tell you! Go on over and check it out if you'd like... I won't tell you what it's about, but the image below may be a small clue.

Credit

By the way, thanks to everyone who left us comments here on the blog or sent me e-mails, Facebook posts, cards, and private messages about our recent loss(es). As I'm sure you'll understand, it is emotionally exhausting to think about replying to everyone in a way that is thoughtful and personal, but I may get around to it eventually. Even if I never do, please know that we really appreciate your kindness. Like, really.

Thanks especially to those who have experienced infertility/loss/longing in a similar way and had the courage to reach out and tell me so. You are so brave!

The Celebration Continues

Yay! The Graduate Wife featured my story in its new series on celebrations. 

I love that blog. And I love those girls for starting it. If you're a wife of a graduate student - and even if you're a graduate student yourself - it's a must-read.

Identity Theft II

Here is a more cheerful followup for The Graduate Wife article I wrote a few months ago titled "Identity Theft." You can read the first one here. And this post is where I thanked everyone for being nice to me.

The Graduate Wife was founded and is run by Christians, but the blog is for women of all faiths and none. Mandy and M.C. loved my followup post, but they also wanted it to be a little more palatable for their varied audience. However, I just didn't know how to tone the Jesus down (read on and you'll see why), so I decided to post here instead. 

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Source

True friends help you move. Forever friends fly across the country to help you prepare for an international move. One of my forever friends, Allison, came from Phoenix to Atlanta to rescue me from general overwhelmed-ness (to make up a word), which for me meant staring into space and mentally packing the house but not actually lifting a finger. One night, while organizing piles of left over yard sale stuff to take to Goodwill, she asked me, “What is a lie you have believed about God?”

I had an answer pretty much straight away. “I used to think that He’d deny me the desires of my heart so that I could prove that I rely on Him alone. I thought I’d never get married because it was my number one wish, even above that of knowing God, which I knew was sinful. I thought that God would ask me to sacrifice having a husband for Him… But God’s not like that,” I smiled, thinking of my wonderful, handsome, soon-to-be PhD candidate groom.

Over the next few days, I realized that I still believed that lie, the lie that God needed me to prove that I loved and trusted Him by giving things up or accepting difficult circumstances.

Our oven broke two weeks before our move to England. “God is testing me…” I whispered.

A rock cracked the windshield on my car one day before I was to sell it. “God is testing me,” I cried.

I couldn’t find our wedding album to put in my carry-on for the plane. “God is testing me!” I yelled.

I packed my medical supplies so that they were evenly distributed among our four suitcases, just in case God decided to test me again by losing a piece of luggage when we arrived in our new country. Surely, He wouldn’t be so cruel as to misplace it all. I would definitely fail that test.

What was this testing mindset all about? It was about me proving that I could trust Him. Well, that’s a load of bunk if I’ve ever heard any. Is God’s love for me dependent on whether I pass a series of tests? Is He taking time out of ruling over the universe to throw roadblocks in my way, trying to trip me up? Even if He were, would I pass them all? Of course not! If only one of our four pieces of luggage holding all of our worldly goods were lost, I’d be an absolute basket case! And would God love me any less? No! His love for me is not dependent on my love for Him.

I thought I learned that this past summer, but it turns out I have to re-learn the lesson a lot: I am loved by God no matter what! Roadblocks, tests, fallen pillars that hold up my identity - whatever you want to call them - are NOT opportunities for me to prove that I have the faith to trust Him. They are opportunities for God to show Himself mighty in a crappy situation. Suffering – whether on a small scale (broken oven, cracked windshield, lost photo album) or a big one (strained relationships, health problems, financial stress) – is never, ever, ever wasted. God is revealing more of Himself to me through trials, not the other way around.

That is the truth.

Now, let’s get practical. When I’m tempted to think otherwise, this is what I try to do.

1)      I calm my anxious heart by being still and worshipping God. Kari Jobe’s “You are For Me,” Brooke Fraser’s “Shadowfeet,” and Chris Rice’s “Untitled Hymn” do it for me every time. Three songs, ten minutes, and I feel tons better.

2)      I think about the future with God in the picture. When He’s not playing an active part in my fantasies about the unknown, I worry.

3)      I get some saltwater therapy, whether it be through sweat (exercise), tears (a good cry), or the sea (we’re blessed to be close to the water).

4)      I have people over. Isolating myself does me no good, and knowing that someone is coming to my home motivates me to do a little cleaning and take a shower, which is harder than it sounds when I’m really down.

Do you have any ideas on how to remind yourself of God’s love?

Thanks Friends

I am so grateful to each one of you who has reached out to me after reading my guest post on The Graduate Wife. Your comments on this blog and that one, Facebook messages, and e-mails have made me feel so loved and cared for. Thank you. I wish I had the time and emotional energy to each of you a thoughtful and specific response, but for now the mass "you're awesome" will have to do.


I feel that the 1,000 word limit I was given for the guest post was just that - limiting. What I mean to say is that I wanted to share more about what God has been teaching me through this process, but I had to keep it short. Maybe that's for another guest post (*wink wink, Mandy*). 


Unfortunately, and maybe these are just my insecurities creeping up, it felt a little "Debbie Downer" when I was re-reading it... and re-reading it... and re-reading it. I didn't want people - especially my dear family and friends - to think that I was at best whiny and at worst clinically depressed. After I pressed the "send" button, I immediately felt writers' remorse and shared my concerns with Mandy and M.C., who oversee the blog. However, they wanted the post as-is, reassuring me and saying that it was honest and would be helpful. 


I guess most graduate wives, and indeed anyone who's made a serious life transition, can say, "We've all been there." There's something that makes me feel a little more solid and a little less jelly-like on the inside when someone can give words to my enigmatic thoughts and emotions, and I pray that I was able to do that for someone else.

Credit

In other news, Nathan just submitted a little 5,000 (out of 30,000) word writing sample which will (after the powers-that-be put an official stamp on it) upgrade him to the PhD program. The bibliography is 10 pages longer than the sample. My man is thorough. Anyway, he's celebrating this accomplishment by doing some dishes while I write this post, so I'd better get going and see to it that he's properly congratulated.

Identity Theft

It's with mixed emotions that I'm referring you to a guest post I wrote for the recently launched blog, The Graduate Wife. I must warn you, what I wrote is in a very different tone than posts on this blog, which tend to be of the more lighthearted nature. While it's heavier than what I'm used to sharing, I hope it's an encouragement to you.

www.thegraduatewife.wordpress.com

Enjoy!

Oh, and here's a wedding countdown poster for you...