Pull-Over Pictures

Nathan took this picture of the gorgeous sunset Monday night. Our little cottage is on the left.

I think this was taken on our walk to the ferry Tuesday morning. We hiked across the island and barely made our morning crossing for our day trip further north. This was a sign of stresses to come. Next post I will tell the story. 

Our day trip included Drumnadrochit, Loch Ness, Inverness, Fort William, and lots of beautiful countryside.  We cruised around and pulled over to take pictures at beautiful spots. Our first stop was only a few minutes away from our ferry port. This is Castle Stalker, made famous by Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The itty bitty castle is on the left. You might need to click on the photo to get a better view.

The castle is over my right shoulder.

The ferry guys told us that a lawyer now owns it, and in order to keep it listed with Scottish Heritage, he has to open it to visitors for two weeks out of the year. Unfortunately, we didn't time it right to get a ride over to visit.

Next we pulled over to see the tallest mountain in the UK, Ben Nevis. It was covered by clouds, but it didn't stop us from creating a Kodak moment!

Nathan kept trying to do the creepy maternity pose that makes me squirm. I'm trying to pry his hands off of my belly here.

There was also a war memorial at this spot. I think a lot of UK military men were trained around there.

Of course, we had to pull over to see some Highland cattle. It's a wonder they can see anything with those bangs in front of their eyes.

Then, we arrived at Drumnadrochit to see the Loch Ness museum (not worth the money, but they had a nice gift shop) and eat Mackie chips - Scottish made - as big as Nathan's noggin.

Next I will show you pictures of the rest of our day and tell you the story about how we almost got stranded off of our island. Wait, that pretty much was the story. Details to come...

Hi from the Highlands

Greetings from the Highlands of Scotland. Nathan and I are here with our friends Brent and Aline for our half-term holiday. While most schools in the US are finished for the summer, Aline and I will go back to teaching on Monday until the middle of July. Booooo! However, I guess having lots of vacation time during the year makes it worth it. 

We are staying together in a very cozy (read: small) one-room cottage with a loft. It has a fireplace, which Nathan has been dutifully manning since our arrival on Saturday. Yesterday's weather was gorgeous, and we took full advantage of it by going for a long walk to check out our surroundings on the Isle of Lismore. The landscape of the Highlands kind of reminds me of a combination of the Pacific Northwest and England. 

The first few pictures are from our first night. The days are very long here, with darkness coming around 10:30 p.m. and the light coming around 4:30 a.m.. 

Nathan cooks breakfast in our little kitchen. The ladder goes up to a loft where Nathan and I sleep.

Our little cottage has a grass roof. Cool.

We hiked to the top of a mountain next to us to see the view. It was beautiful!

I found a beautiful seashell by the rocky coast.

Nathan and Brent saw these guys farming oysters, so they trekked out there to check things out.

Not quite ready for eating...

Today is very rainy, so the four of us are gathered around the fire reading (Nathan), working on writing school reports (Aline, not me, clearly), doing research (Brent), and blogging. Tomorrow we are going to Loch Ness, and all I can think about is when Napoleon Dynamite does a school presentation on Nessie.

Oh yeah! Today is my birthday (I'm thirty-two-hot-to-handle), and Brent and Aline made a lovely birthday brunch and gifted me with the most thoughtful card. Inside they listed the top 10 things they love about me. It was right up my mom's alley. She loves "top 10 things you love about me" lists. I loved it too!

I'm sure there will be lots more from the Highlands later on... I'll keep you posted (pun fully intended).

Finchale Priory with Will

We love Will. We love sunshine at 8 p.m. We love Finchale Priory.

Wink!

I think Nathan was doing the "thumb thing" on the back of Will's neck and creeping him out.

Middle of May: head warmer, shirt, sweatshirt, trousers, coat, puffy vest, gloves, scarf, wellies. That's normal, right?

Poor Will/Beach Trip

It's been slow in the blog world lately. First, we've had some company, which is always fun. Second, I've had a cold. It's not the end of the world, but sometimes it feels like it.

On Will's first night with us, I went to bed before the boys, and I neglected to do my hosting duties properly. Poor Will didn't realize that there were sheets and blankets underneath the covers that are tucked in. Nathan found him in the morning covered in pillows to try to keep warm. I felt so, so bad.

The next day we went to Easington Colliery, one of our favorite beach spots. Will looks happier among the dandelions.

Darius and his finance, Christe, also stayed with us for about five days. I think Darius may be mocking Nathan here, but I'm not sure.

Both Darius and Will are amazing cooks, which didn't make their visit a pain for me at all.

It was cold. I regretted taking off the detachable furry hood on my vest that very morning. It was still fun.

They React

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has shared in our joy the last few days! Nathan and I have been overwhelmed by your love and support. I want to say a particular thank you to those who have remembered Baby Parker #1 and Baby Parker #2 while congratulating us on Baby Parker #3. That means a lot. Even though Nathan and I are the only two visible members of our family at present, we definitely feel we are a family of five.

Our little secret was quite a happy shock to many more people besides us. On a Tuesday morning after I revealed the news to Nathan, we had an ultrasound confirming that the baby was growing healthily. We decided to celebrate by spending some quality time with our VHS collection while waiting for our families to wake up on the other side of the world. After watching Braveheart and eating some popcorn, we called the parental units.

East Coast: 5 hours behind.

My mother-in-law first. Nathan managed to chat with her for ten minutes about such mundane things as taxes before dropping the bomb. She was in the drive-through at the bank. Screams. Tears. "Oh my gosh, I have to pull over. I'm feeling lightheaded."

My father-in-law next. More small talk. The news. Some silent tears and whispered "Praise the Lord"s times about 10.

West Coast: 8 hours behind.

My mother. When I called she said she was leaving a note on someone's car. I took that to mean that she was not driving. I cut to the chase. I was wrong. She took a big breath and screamed it aaaallll out. Three times. And then she started sobbing and had to pull over.

My dad was in the drive-through at Del Taco. He cried too. We were four for four for making parents cry. And us too, all over again. It was awesome.

We divided and conquered the siblings next. Lots of wondrous "wows" and "praise God!"s. 

One bummer about being so far away from family was not being able to see anyone's reaction live. So a few days later, I got a sneaky text from my dad saying that the family was out to dinner with my Aunt Deanie for my sister's 30th birthday and would I please call and tell her about the baby because my mom was dying to talk about it.

I called. My sister started recording Aunt Deanie's reaction. This amazingness happened. My sister wanted me to ask everyone to please ignore her own ridiculous laugh.

In the several weeks that followed, we slowly started telling a few more friends and family. When I was in Atlanta for my dear friend Beverly's wedding, I had the joy of telling a few people in person. One person I didn't know so well totally said, "So you're expecting?" I wasn't sure if the news had leaked or if I was just looking big. I think I was just looking big. 

In fact, I didn't realize I would be showing so much so early (only 11 weeks), but when I got dressed for the rehearsal dinner (no coats, sweaters, and scarves to hide anything), I said, "Uh oh!" Bev said, "Now you're going to have to tell people!" and she took this picture to send to Nathan.

For me, actually looking pregnant and finally telling a few people about it just gave me permission to eat a lot. Which I did. I had Chik-fil-A (okay, twice), Mexican food, my mother-in-law's chili and cornbread, and lots and lots of dill pickles. And then I had a doctor's appointment as soon as I got back and discovered had gained almost two kilos since my last appointment. Gulp. I'm going to have to slow it down a little.

Most people who know Nathan and me know we call each other Chicken (very strange pet name, I know), so we've taken to calling the baby Chicken Nugget. When I was in Atlanta, I sent Nathan an e-mail that said something like, "I went to Chik-fil-A again and Chicken Nugget and I split an 8-piece chicken nugget, fries, and half sweet tea/half diet lemonade. We loved it." It was the first time in a long time that I really enjoyed a meal. For several weeks leading up to it I could even think about going into the kitchen without feeling sick.

It's been a very low-key spring for us, mostly with me just going straight upstairs after work and lying still, and we are eager to start socializing again. In just 9 short weeks we will be back in the US for good, so we have a lot of memories to make here in England before then!

Where are we going? What will we be doing? You'll just have to wait and see...

Shock and Awe

Spring break (aka Easter holidays) is usually a time for most people to get away from this frozen island and go some place warm. Last year I went on a cruise with my friend Heidi, and it was just what my soul needed. This year Nathan and I decided to schedule our third and final IVF procedure instead. It was a three-week window when I could go to doctors' appointments and have the egg collection, embryo transfer, and a week of bed rest. 

Back in February I traveled up to Newcastle to collect all of the medication from the Royal Victoria Infirmary and started the injections on the last day of our half-term holiday in Scotland. It was really difficult. I mean, really difficult. The drugs made me feel like a crazy person. I was anxious, fearful, weepy, weak. I felt overwhelmed constantly. It was worse than both of the previous IVF cycles combined. I cried every day and told Nathan that I didn't even want to do IVF this time. However, I knew I would regret it if we didn't. It was our last open door to parenthood in the UK, and it was free. That's the only reason I stuck with it.

***Warning: reproductive health talk***

After three and a half weeks, I went back to our fertility clinic in Newcastle for an ultrasound. It was the first of a series of three that they do before egg collection. The nurse doing my scan asked me how I was handling the injections. I wanted to cry and tell her that I was really struggling, but I just said, "Fine, I guess. I've been kind of emotional, but that's probably due to a few life circumstances right now." Like having to move across the ocean in four months' time but not knowing where with neither of us having jobs... on top of going through our final round of IVF and wondering what the heck I was going to do with my life if I wasn't going to have kids. 

She started the scan.

"When was the date of your last period?" she asked.

"Oh, I don't really know. I haven't had one since I started the drugs, but I didn't have one my first cycle of IVF either." While it's unusual (1/10 women don't) it wasn't abnormal, so I wasn't too concerned. I took a pregnancy test when I was quite late and had already started the IVF drugs, just for peace of mind, but it was negative.

"Can you try to estimate?" she said.

"Ummm... I miscarried our second IVF embryo in the middle of December, so I'm guessing the middle of January?"

*Silence*

"Is something wrong?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be seeing a uterus lining that is quite thin, but if you'll look here, it's rather thick, and that looks like a pregnancy sack." 

*More silence*

"Does that mean I'm pregnant?" 

The nurse kind of helped me come to the realization in stages, first telling me that it was possible I was pregnant. Based on my estimated dates, the pregnancy should have been eight weeks along, but it was only measuring between five and six weeks. She said that we needed to confirm it with a urine test (a positive sign straight away) and a blood test (anything over 50 for the hcg hormone is considered a positive test, and my number was 14,960). I was shocked. There were lots of tears. I'm sure the poor nurses wondered if I actually wanted to be pregnant. They told me to come back in a week for another scan to see if things had progressed normally. In the mean time, IVF #3 was cancelled and I was to stop taking the drugs immediately. 

***End of reproductive health talk***

I took this picture when I got home from the doctor's office. It pretty much just says, "Whoa."

I was alone, and Nathan was out of town at a church retreat and not reachable by phone. I had to keep the news to myself for two and a half tortuous days. It was awful. I was crying all the time. I was having major anxiety and irrational thoughts that I was going to die in a car crash or get stabbed and no one would know about our baby. Thankfully, as soon as I finished work at the end of the week I took the train over to meet him in the Lakes District.

When Nathan and I were finally alone that night, I took out the camera and told him to close his eyes and hold out his hands for a present. This is not unusual for us, so he was not suspicious. He was hoping for chocolate, but instead it was the positive pregnancy test in a plastic bag and the ultrasound photo. 

He was stunned. STUNNED, I tell you. I went back and forth about videoing the surprise, but now I'm so glad that I did. I've watched it so many times that the sound on our camera isn't working any more. 

The following week Nathan and I went back to the fertility clinic together. I came loaded down with the remaining drugs as well as a sharps container full of used syringes. I could not have been happier to get ride of those. The same nurse who did my ultrasound the week before was with me again. Within seconds of starting the scan she said, "Everything looks great. Your baby is healthy. Look, there's even a heartbeat right there." Nathan and I were so grateful to enjoy that moment together. And - we will never go back to that fertility clinic ever again. Wahoo!

We're still amazed and praising God. A lot of people have been praying for us in this area of struggle for years, even more so than we have, but I'm sure that most of them were not praying for this. If you're one of those people who has supported us, I can't thank you enough. You have carried us through some tough times. Times of grief and loss and confusion. Please continue your prayers for godliness throughout this time of upcoming change. Even though this news is now public, I am very aware that a take-home baby in November is not a guarantee. But you know what? We will still celebrate now. No matter what happens, even if we lose the little one, God is still good and worthy of worship.

The fact that I am pregnant still doesn't feel real sometimes, but my aversion to avocado as well as the smell of Nathan's cologne (and lots of other things!) tells me that I am not my usual self. We recently had our 12-week ultrasound, and there's an actual person in there. I think I was expecting him/her to still look like a little alien, but we saw arms, legs, face, brain, everything. It was crazy cool.

To those who are still waiting and longing for little ones, I'm sorry if this news has been painful. I want to be sensitive to you and care for you in a way I would want to be cared for. If I've messed it up, please let me know how to do that better. Infertility is hard. It's hard because you're happy for someone else and yet sad for yourself at the same time. I don't know how to balance being in both camps, but it's much harder than I imagined. After so many years on the outside looking in, I don't at all feel like I belong in mommy world, but I clearly don't belong in the infertility world anymore either. Hm... something to keep praying through.

Next up... how our families took the news. :)