Someone Has a New "Quite Like"

When Nathan and I were engaged and talking on the phone on average 20 hours a week, one of the conversations we had was about how we couldn't wait to be together to do normal, everyday activities like grocery shopping.  We've only actually gone grocery shopping together maybe half a dozen times since we've been married, because he drives me bananas in the store and we start slipping into a dysfunctional parent-child dynamic rather than a healthy married couple one.  


First of all, he has no respect for my system.  I type this with a smirk on my face, because I'm sure after I tell what's next, I'll seem like the mental one.  Anyway, I have a pattern when I go through the grocery store, and I start with the bread and drinks aisle, weave my way up and down to the produce section, stop by the deli, pick up the meat, get my dairy products on the back wall, and finish in frozen foods.  I also put my items in the basket a certain way so I can put it on the conveyor belt a certain way so I can have it bagged a certain way (frozen foods together, bread and eggs last, etc.).  It makes perfect sense, right?  Right?  RIGHT?!


Him: "Ooh.  We need peanut butter." He plops a jar on top of the bread.  
Me: "No we don't.  We actually have two more jars in the cupboard." I put the jar back and fluff up the bread, checking for injuries.
Him: "Ooh!  Did I tell you that bean with bacon soup is my favorite? I haven't had it in so long!"
Me: "Yes. You did tell me that."
Him: "Why are you buying so many boxes of Triscuits?"
Me: "Because they're buy one get one free, and we go through at least two boxes a week with your hand constantly in the Triscuit jar."
Him: "I have to go to the bathroom."
Me: "Okay. I estimate that I'll be picking up some cheese by the time you're through."


And then he disappears for 30 minutes... until I find him sheepishly hiding behind some car magazines.


All that to say, we went grocery shopping together in the mini Tesco, and when I was asking an employee where the popcorn was hidden, he snuck in a jar of English mustard (we have another one half full) that will make your nostrils burn it's so hot as well as a package of crumpets.  Crumpets are just English muffins, but they're twice as thick and don't fit well in the toaster. It was a total impulse buy, but he had to have it because it was mentioned in the movie Dumb and Dumber.  


"If I know Mary, she'll invite us right in for some tea and strumpets." - Lloyd Christmas  


"Strumpets" was supposed to be "crumpets," but "strumpets" actually means "prostitute" in England.

Sigh.  Those of you who know my husband know that his four food groups of choice are butter, mayonnaise, gravy, and salt.  Read the caption...  Dreams really do come true.