Identity Theft II

Here is a more cheerful followup for The Graduate Wife article I wrote a few months ago titled "Identity Theft." You can read the first one here. And this post is where I thanked everyone for being nice to me.

The Graduate Wife was founded and is run by Christians, but the blog is for women of all faiths and none. Mandy and M.C. loved my followup post, but they also wanted it to be a little more palatable for their varied audience. However, I just didn't know how to tone the Jesus down (read on and you'll see why), so I decided to post here instead. 

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Source

True friends help you move. Forever friends fly across the country to help you prepare for an international move. One of my forever friends, Allison, came from Phoenix to Atlanta to rescue me from general overwhelmed-ness (to make up a word), which for me meant staring into space and mentally packing the house but not actually lifting a finger. One night, while organizing piles of left over yard sale stuff to take to Goodwill, she asked me, “What is a lie you have believed about God?”

I had an answer pretty much straight away. “I used to think that He’d deny me the desires of my heart so that I could prove that I rely on Him alone. I thought I’d never get married because it was my number one wish, even above that of knowing God, which I knew was sinful. I thought that God would ask me to sacrifice having a husband for Him… But God’s not like that,” I smiled, thinking of my wonderful, handsome, soon-to-be PhD candidate groom.

Over the next few days, I realized that I still believed that lie, the lie that God needed me to prove that I loved and trusted Him by giving things up or accepting difficult circumstances.

Our oven broke two weeks before our move to England. “God is testing me…” I whispered.

A rock cracked the windshield on my car one day before I was to sell it. “God is testing me,” I cried.

I couldn’t find our wedding album to put in my carry-on for the plane. “God is testing me!” I yelled.

I packed my medical supplies so that they were evenly distributed among our four suitcases, just in case God decided to test me again by losing a piece of luggage when we arrived in our new country. Surely, He wouldn’t be so cruel as to misplace it all. I would definitely fail that test.

What was this testing mindset all about? It was about me proving that I could trust Him. Well, that’s a load of bunk if I’ve ever heard any. Is God’s love for me dependent on whether I pass a series of tests? Is He taking time out of ruling over the universe to throw roadblocks in my way, trying to trip me up? Even if He were, would I pass them all? Of course not! If only one of our four pieces of luggage holding all of our worldly goods were lost, I’d be an absolute basket case! And would God love me any less? No! His love for me is not dependent on my love for Him.

I thought I learned that this past summer, but it turns out I have to re-learn the lesson a lot: I am loved by God no matter what! Roadblocks, tests, fallen pillars that hold up my identity - whatever you want to call them - are NOT opportunities for me to prove that I have the faith to trust Him. They are opportunities for God to show Himself mighty in a crappy situation. Suffering – whether on a small scale (broken oven, cracked windshield, lost photo album) or a big one (strained relationships, health problems, financial stress) – is never, ever, ever wasted. God is revealing more of Himself to me through trials, not the other way around.

That is the truth.

Now, let’s get practical. When I’m tempted to think otherwise, this is what I try to do.

1)      I calm my anxious heart by being still and worshipping God. Kari Jobe’s “You are For Me,” Brooke Fraser’s “Shadowfeet,” and Chris Rice’s “Untitled Hymn” do it for me every time. Three songs, ten minutes, and I feel tons better.

2)      I think about the future with God in the picture. When He’s not playing an active part in my fantasies about the unknown, I worry.

3)      I get some saltwater therapy, whether it be through sweat (exercise), tears (a good cry), or the sea (we’re blessed to be close to the water).

4)      I have people over. Isolating myself does me no good, and knowing that someone is coming to my home motivates me to do a little cleaning and take a shower, which is harder than it sounds when I’m really down.

Do you have any ideas on how to remind yourself of God’s love?