Thoughts About Valentine's Day

It's no secret that my mother's favorite holiday is Valentine's Day. I'm not sure how it started, but she loves it and loves sharing the love. I have worked hard to love it, and now I like it. It's taken me a long time to like it, and hopefully I'll get to the "love it" stage someday.

I started disliking it when Paul put an extra chocolate heart in my valentine in kindergarten. Then Dustin wrote, "I like you," in a valentine in 2nd grade. In 9th grade Josh brought me flowers, balloons, and a poem to youth group. In 10th grade I got a candygram from both Mike and Ryan. I did not like (as in "like" like) any of these boys at the time. 

I was so embarrassed. Humiliated. Ended up in tears. 

Speaking of tears, rewind a little to about 7th grade. We were having our annual Valentine's Family Dinner. My mom, as usual, had decorated the whole house, but the table was particularly festive. She turned the plates over to hide our Valentine's Day treats, probably some heart socks or some butterscotch suckers from See's Candies. We started on the food shortly after and then Mom started what is probably her favorite moment on her favorite holiday.

"Let's go around and say what we love about each other!"

Like every year, we all had to take turns and say something specific that we loved about each person in the family. I'm sure I rolled the eyes of my heart - as I did a lot when I was in 7th grade - and begrudgingly rattled off the compliments as quickly as I could. 

"I love my brother because he cleans my room sometimes. I love my sister because she lets me borrow her clothes sometimes. I love my mom because she made this really nice dinner. I love my dad because... because..." 

Now, I love everyone in my family very, very much, but my dad and I were/are two peas in a pod. I was suddenly caught up in a flood of emotion. Imagine now the quivering of my middle school chin and the welling up of some fat middle school tears.

Imagine my mom trying to keep herself from laughing but a little snort coming out.

Imagine me doing the only middle school thing to do, which was to whisk away from the table and sequester myself in my room with the middle school slam of a door. 

I was so embarrassed. Humiliated. Ended up in tears.

I've never been able to live it down since. Every year I've been away from home, I've received my valentines from the family in the mail, including some remark about how tragic it was that couldn't make the annual Valentine's Family Dinner and provide the entertainment.

On the first Valentine's Day that Nathan and I knew each other, we were engaged and I was visiting him in Atlanta. Nathan stole away to the drug store while I was napping and bought me some waxy chocolates and a stuffed bear... and a birthday card. Because all of the Valentine's Day cards were gone. I surmised that if that performance was what I was getting from him while we were engaged, 50 more Valentine's Days with him weren't going to be much more thoughtful. 

Two years ago he forgot completely. Not even a birthday card. That day, we went to our friends' wedding in a next-door state and I sulked like a brat the entire ride over to celebrate their love. For a girl who didn't even like Valentine's Day, I was paradoxically quite upset. 

I can totally laugh about all of these stories now, but I can't figure out what's wrong with me. Why do my past memories and future expectations for such a Hallmark holiday cause me such anxiety? I mean, it should be all about the people we love, for goodness sake! If I label my 7th grade Valentine's Day family love-fest experience as the most scarring of my childhood, you have every right to question my view of reality. If my husband - who loves me really well every day, not just Valentine's Day - doesn't make a big deal about it, even after I tell him I don't want him to make a big deal about it, and I still get upset, I've got serious issues. It seems that I may have a self-centeredness problem. How to root it out?

All that to saaay, my mom sent us a Valentine's care package. Woohoo! I love that she was spreading some early Valentine's Day love!!!

It came complete with heart stickers and a hot pink box underneath the brown paper.

Inside, each item was uniquely wrapped in its own Valentine's Day decorative packaging. A lot of love went into this box, I could feel it! For some reason, I didn't take any more pictures of the items in the package, probably because Nathan and I were tearing into everything so quickly. There were practical things like taco seasoning and Italian dressing mix and chocolate chips. There were Valentine's Day specialty items like red, pink, and white peanut butter M&Ms and hot pink heart comfy PJs from Target. There was an In N Out T-shirt for Nathan, a new watch for me, and some special items from my childhood - a "Going to Grandma's" red canvas bag and my special cup I kept at Uncle Bob and Aunt Deanie's, both of which are personalized with my name on them. 

Thanks, Mumers, for taking time and care to put this box together for us. I will miss you all this year at the annual Valentine's Day Family Dinner.