A New High

Oddly enough, yesterday I had my highest high since being on insulin, 349. I kind of cheated at the grocery store. You know how at the bakery there are sometimes cookies on the counter to sample? Well, I had one. I strolled around the store chomping away at a scrumptious sugar cookie, knowing full well that my sugar would "probably be a little high" before dinner, but that I would just balance it out with my dinnertime insulin.

When I got home around 5:00 p.m., I was really tired and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up to my phone ringing around 6:00, and it was Nathan, asking when and where we to meet for dinner before our church's prayer meeting. I just burst into tears.

"What's the matter?" he asked me.

"Um... I'm fine. I think my sugar might be just a little high."

"Okay. Well, go check it and take a shot if you need."

"Okay. I will," I sniffled. We hung up and I went into the kitchen to check. 349. 349!!! Tears! Tears! Tears, a shot, and a serious pep talk to myself. "Nicole, you CANNOT do this to yourself! You CANNOT cheat, not even a little bit. Not ever! This is serious business!"

I called Nathan and told him my result... and that I had just lost a foot due to my stupidity. He laughed his hearty laugh, and I managed a shaky chuckle myself.

Lesson learned.

P.S. I'm sorry to scare some of you with my last post. It wasn't intended to scare. I'm not sure why I write about this stuff. I guess my purpose in writing is to let my friends and family know what's going on and how to pray.

A New Low

When I went to bed Sunday night, my sugar was 118. Beautiful! However, after midnight, I woke up feeling poorly. I bumbled into the kitchen to check my sugar, and because of my racket, Nathan woke up too and made sure I made it in there okay. However, in his sleepiness, he just turned around and went back to bed before my results came back.

35, people, 35!!! A new low for me. Normal is between 70-110, and I feel pretty bad if it's anywhere close to 70.

I sat down on my little stool in the kitchen and had a toddler-sized 4 oz. box of grape juice. Then, feeling very hot, I looked at the tile floor and decided it would be a very nice and cool place to lie down on. A few minutes went by, and I noticed that I was sweating through my pajamas and it was starting to pool on the kitchen floor. I called for Nathan. He claims he didn't hear me, but the Lord woke him up as soon as I said Nathan's name, and he came running into the kitchen, yelling "Nicole!" I scared the you-know-what out of him, because I was face down on the floor. He scared the you-know-what out of me, because he never calls me Nicole.

I said, "I'm okay, I'm just hot." I was still shaky, so he put a new strip into the meter, pricked my finger, and checked my sugar again while I was still on the floor. 66. He took two girl scout thin mints out of the freezer and shoved them in my mouth. Tasty... Then he helped me back to bed. I was hot - but cold - and I fell asleep pretty quickly after that with a nice mint chocolatey taste in my mouth.

Yesterday morning my sugar was 167. I wonder how that happens. Sometimes diabetes just doesn't follow logical rules. Jamie, my fellow type I diabetic diagnosed at 27, what the heck?! Has this happened to you?

Nathan bought me a book from my Amazon wish list a few weeks back. It's called Diabetes Burnout, and it had this amazing quote that really articulates the frustration of the disease.

"And even the constant need for decisions might be tolerable, if only the results were predictable. Few things generate burnout like the awful frustration of having followed instructions and done everything just right and still be failing to get the diabetes into control. At those times it seems no use to continue to try. Think how discouraging it is to fail at something you really wanted to do. Then consider what it must feel like to have diabetes and be failing at something you never, ever, wanted to do in the first place."

Wowsers

Check out this "engagement" anniversary photo shoot. Can you imagine Nathan and I doing something like this? In my dreams...

Lorie, this one's for you.

Thanks Amy

Amy E., you bought this oversized cup and saucer (or mug and salad plate) at Anthropologie, my favorite store. Thanks for the gift card. Every time I have a snack and some tea, I'll think of you. Maybe I'll enjoy my new gift while ironing. :)

Happy Easter Everyone!

I just can't get over this cute little June Bug.

And... if you're in the Atlanta area and don't have Easter plans, come to Christ Church Presbyterian! Our services will be at 9:00 and 11:15. I'm singing in the choir. :)

A Diabetes Blog Excerpt

This weekend I stumbled upon a European diabetes teens site with a tagline that stopped me in my tracks. Under the site header, the text reads: “We wish that people would understand that diabetes is more than an illness. It is a way of life.”

What an awesome statement. This is exactly what I’ve been wishing that people around me would understand, but I somehow hadn’t formulated into such a concise statement. It IS a way of life, and a complex one at that. We are ill, without being sick; disadvantaged without being disabled; and chronic without being terminal. We don’t “look sick” but we’re burdened with intense management of our bodily functions in a way that non-diabetic folk can hardly grasp.

As Mary Tyler Moore points out in her recent “coming-out party” on the ups and downs of 40 years of living with Type 1 diabetes, there’s little chance for spontaneity in life:

“You’ve got to always plan. It is a fact of life that if someone invites you out to dinner you have to think, ‘What are they going to be doing when they serve you dinner? How quickly are they going to get it on the table from the time I arrive? When should I take my shot? What should I eat of what’s available?’ ”

Don’t we know it? And this ever-present burden of planning and managing is what people around us don’t “get.”

Last Christmas, a very good friend of mine who spends a lot of time with me these days gave me a teeny-tiny party purse as a gift. It is covered with mother-of-pearl, and has a shell handle. It kind of broke my heart, because the purse is simply exquisite, but as long as I have diabetes, I will NEVER be able to use it. In a pinch, I could fit maybe a pack of glucose tabs in there, but not even the smallest meter and lancing device would fit alongside a sugar source. Forget it. What makes me so sad is that despite all my juggling of various purses and travel packs, it has somehow escaped my friend’s notice that my way of life now requires me to schlep certain life-saving supplies with me at all times. Even at fancy parties.

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I found this excerpt from a blog about diabetes today. It pretty accurately describes my daily required mindset about my health. Sigh... The planning gets monotonous (and I love planning, believe me) and the inability to be spontaneous gets annoying (and spontaneity usually makes me nervous).

And... I've recently discovered that I need to avoid two of my favorite meals: pizza, and cereal and milk. DRAT! I just can't figure out a way to balance them with insulin. Pizza stays in my system way longer than my mealtime insulin does, thus giving me sky high blood sugar (the last one was 252). Cereal and milk sends my sugar way up and then it crashes pretty fast, usually resulting in a scary low (the last one was 46).

Oh, and just to clarify, no one has been insensitive with gifts. In fact, when my parents came to visit right after my diagnosis in the fall, they bought me a very stylish larg purse in which to hold all of my necessities. I just carry my "diabetes diaper bag" around with me wherever I go. When we go to weddings or fancy parties, Nathan stuffs all of his coat and pants pockets with my supplies (meter, strips, lancets, needles, insulin pens, napkins, juice, etc.). What a guy!

Diabetes Accessories

Back in October when I took the diabetes education class, a special nurse, Jane, used her humor and fantastic personality to set us all at ease. Jane even had a magic wand to allay our fears about blood and needles and so on. It lights up and makes the "magic wand" noise when you press a button. I thought to myself, "I HAVE to have one of those for my classroom." I asked her where she got it, and she said that it was a gift, and she had no idea where it came from.

As providence would have it, I spotted a toddler with one on the streets of Gatlinburg a few weeks ago. I gasped, "Nathan! Look! A magic wand like Jane's!" I ran through the crowd and stopped her and asked her mother where she got it. It turns out that they found it at the local aquarium for $5, and they offered to sell it to us on the spot. They could just walk back to the aquarum's gift shop and get another one. The poor toddler didn't know that her possession of only 30 minutes was being sold into different hands. I couldn't have been happier. Here are some pictures of my new favorite toy. :)

In other news, my 3rd period class gave me unusually warm greetings a few days ago and bestowed upon me a wrapped gift. The class ringleader told me to open it. I was little leery, but I was so pleased to find diabetic socks he had bought for me inside. Diabetic socks are usually for people with complications whose feet are on the way to amputation. Now, I seriously thought about adding a picture of some "diabetic feet" with Google images, but they were all too graphic for this blog. Anyway, despite the fact that the said ringleader bought the smallest size, the socks were huge.

"pureCare legwear is specially designed to enhance leg health and wellness through the fusion of fashion and science. pureCare legwear provides comfort and soothing relief fromt he everyday aches and pains associated with leg fatigue and minor circulatory issues."