The Best Shopping Experience Ever

Nathan hates shopping. I generally dislike it. I really hate shopping for him together because he is usually a big baby about being too hot, clothes costing too much money, and trying things on. That's why we bring the big guns, a.k.a. our dear friend Mary Lou, when we need professional shopping help. Mary Lou knows menswear like nobody's business, and she keeps Nathan on his best behavior.

Three and a half years ago, we went to Jos. A. Bank, a men's clothing store, with some hefty gift cards to spend from very generous church members in Atlanta. I think they were sick of seeing their youth pastor in cargo shorts. The economy was going down the tubes and everything was on crazy-sale, so it seemed like a great time to buy some big boy clothes. While there we were entertained/helped by Philip. He was very Southern and stinking hilarious.

He asked Nathan what he did for a living while taking his measurements.

"I'm a pastor."

"Put your arms down."

"I can't. That's just the way they are."

"You must be Pentecostal if you can't keep your arms down. You see, I'm Baptist. I like to eat... Your waist is a 36."

"I don't want to be a 36! I want to be a 34. I can squeeze into a 34."

"Um hm. One church social and you'll be out of them pants."

Fast forward a few years and a few beers later, and we were back at Jos. A. Bank to spend the remainder of our gift card with Mary Lou. Philip was still there, and when I saw him I couldn't wait to start the mental filming for this post.

Philip took Nathan's measurements again, but Nathan was busy cracking jokes about his recent increase in size and how he was going to lose weight.

"Can you just hold still a minute?! A 36 waist is going to be too tight. You need a 38."

"What?! I swear, I'm going on a diet!"

"We've had this conversation before."

Mary Lou, Philip, and I kept throwing clothes into the dressing room for him to try on: trousers, polos, a sport coat, dress shirts, etc." I'm not the hugest fan of pleats, so I tossed Nathan some flat front khakis to try on. He came out looking like he was trying hard to fit into them.

Philip was aghast. "You can't put that butt in plain front pants! He needs pleats! And what size are those? If he refuses to try on the 38s I'm getting him the 36s with the expandable waist. The man's got to breathe!"

Meanwhile, Mary Lou went to the belt section because Nathan needed a black one. The 38-inch belt looked silly-snug. She took it back over. Philip walked by her and said, "If you get him a 40-inch belt he'll whip YOU with it."

Nathan was in major distress. "I will starve myself before I have to buy 38-inch pants, and I'm sure as heck NOT buying a 40-inch belt."

Philip's response? "Well, you can fast for the Lord, but anorexia ain't in the Bible."

Basically, gems like these were bantered back and forth for over an hour of shopping. We ended up buying some great stuff on Labor Day sale for Nathan and managed to laugh the entire time.

We highly recommend shopping with Philip at Jos. A. Bank at the Dawsonville outlets. It's worth the drive for the discounts and the amazing service. The man knows what he's talking about, and he is highly entertaining. Tell him Nathan, Nicole, and Mary Lou sent you! :)